Saturday, June 19, 2010

The Cards of Life

There is something strangely relaxing about shuffling cards. It makes you feel as though you are in control of chaos. Because the cards should, in theory, be in totally random order after a good shuffle, but you are in charge of how many times and what kind of shuffling. I think that is what we are all after in life. We all want to feel that we are in charge of the chaotic order of events that we call living. We are in charge of what we eat, and some take that power to the extreme. That in turn makes us in charge of our bodies. But still, there are countless powers working against our bodies as well, such as the weather, emotions, other people, animals, and the list could go on and on. So while we take actions to feel in charge, we really aren't totally and completely. That doesn't mean that we can just let things fall however they wish and give up on things entirely, its just meant to make us think about how small we really are and put things in perspective.

I think that each of us, in our hearts, has the making of a deck of cards. We all have the royalty of the face cards, the part of us that loves to be in charge. We all have the love represented by the hearts. The spades, which represent the desire to work and advance in life, as though you are gardening and working your way to the top or as though you have to fight and defend your position, as the spade is sharp. The clubs, which represent the fun, the normal, and hardships in life, how each is a different circle, but all are combined to make up a life. The diamonds, which show the purity and hope that each of us truly has deep down. Sometimes we do not always show the clear and shining diamond in our lives, but it is always there, even if caked in miles of emotional dirt and mud. All the numbers of course are part of every one's life, the world can not function properly and orderly without the use of numbers. And last, the aces, which represent not that only one person, yourself is important, but that you and three other people are needed. The ace of spades would have to represent yourself, as you know more about yourself than anyone else, and therefore it has the most intricate detail. Then the ace of hearts is the person that you love more than anyone else. The ace of spades is the person that you strive to be like, your role model. And the ace of diamonds is the person that you value and treasure and that help keeps you pure and hopeful.

There are a lot of ways to view the world, when you keep your mind open.

PrincessC

Friday, June 18, 2010

New Friends, New Perspective

Sometimes you meet a person that is so much like you that it isn't even funny. I know that I said my mini me is just like me, and she is, but I may have found someone who is even more like me. Being a nerd is great, I'm not ashamed to be one. But its a lonely life sometimes. To be good looking or popular or athletic, you have lots of friends, you get to spend time with everyone, you are never alone. But nerds don't have many friends, they all claim us as friends so we will help them and give them money, which we are so nice that we always do. And yet it seems to me like things are always unfair to us. People get in trouble for being mean to each other if you play sports, but when people are mean to the nerds, everyone ignores it. The "friends" always leave us when it really comes down to it. We use logic and see how it is unfair, and it makes us really sad, but then they always say something to make it seem like its our fault, I mean its not like we have that many to begin with, we really don't want to lose friends. Scientists and people with great intelligence have throughout history have been lonely people. They were sad and crazy because of this, which is a terrible thing, but no one wanted to be with them. They were ridiculed by society, and no one cared. Maybe cliques aren't a bad thing, maybe its really for the best, it keeps people more safe. Nerds aren't going to be mean to other nerds, because they know what its like. Band people like other band people, math people like math people. That may sound terrible, but I think its true. Its a way to make people unified, make them feel better about themselves by realizing that they aren't the only person in the world like them.
PrincessC

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Love Prints

If you love someone, tell them
If you miss someone, find them
If you have someone, hold them tight and never let go
I may not know much, but this I do know
Love deeply and truly and leave love prints where you go

I am quite fond of this writing. I believe that it is truthful and meaningful. But one question might come to mind when you read it. What is a love print? A love print is like a footprint, only not. It's like a memory, an emotion. Everything that love is, laughter, smiling, fun, crying, sympathy, forgiveness, any emotion that is because of love, leaves a love print on that person's heart. And you can always look back at your love prints that people have given to you, and it will make you happy, remembering love. It might make you a little sad sometimes, like if that love is no longer with you, but mostly it will make you smile. So a love print is a memory footprint on someone's heart, and it is the best thing that you can ever give a person or receive yourself.

I know that I didn't post anything yesterday, it was raining, but I don't feel like making up for that today. I'm not really in the mood to talk much.
PrincessC

Monday, June 14, 2010

Curiouser and Curiouser

I have been thinking lately. Thinking is a dangerous thing for any person to do, but it is also necessary. I have been considering what I am. I am a princess, this is true. I am fairly intelligent, this is also true. But I am a girl? Well, yes, I suppose, perhaps. I don't have a problem with that, I am totally fine with being what I am, I wouldn't like being a male any better. But what if there weren't male and female, and there were just people? No he or she, just them, they, as one and the same. Now if you get past the point where you think that the population wouldn't be able to continue if this happened because there would be no way to reproduce, and allow me to clear this up now, there are other ways to reproduce and a society in which we have been able to get rid of gender issues and prejudges by just eliminating gender all together would be smart enough to find some way to do so, it is an interesting concept. There would be no exploiting of women, nothing on TV to destroy the innocence of our youth. (I suppose drugs and alcohol, but I'm wondering if getting rid of those wouldn't soon follow in such a smart society.) Not everyone would agree with me on this, in fact a lot of people would disagree strongly with me, but I think that being just a person, neither girl nor boy, wouldn't be a terrible thing. I think that things would change so drastically. No one to tell people that they have to wear pink or blue or this club is only for boys or sewing is only for girls, just everyone being equal. I personally think that it sounds pretty good.

The music video for "If I Had You" didn't really impress me. I only watched it once, but I didn't think much of it. Perhaps if I watch it a second time it will be better.

I think that I have a problem with Tetris, I love it. Like I play it all the time. When I am bored, I will make up an imaginary game in my mind and play it out and plan the best strategies. I don't think that is normal.

I want to watch Alice in Wonderland again, I quite enjoy that movie. I love how it focuses on the imagination, which is a very important tool.
PrincessC

Sunday, June 13, 2010

*Silence*

Silence isn't golden. Silence is creepy. I used to like the feeling of being alone, being allowed to think and do whatever. Now its just weird. When it is dead silent... well it just shouldn't ever be like that. Too many strange things can happen. They always show it in the movies even, the awkward silence and then the suspenseful music and then something bad happens. Except in real life, there isn't a director to cue the creepy music, so things can actually sneak up on you. And these things are a lot worse than something that isn't real and is just on the movie screen. That is a nice movie trick they do though, they play the music to get you on the edge of your seat, cause you know that something is coming up and you don't know what and you know its going to be something sudden and it will jump out at you. It probably isn't anything that scary most of the time. I've always wondered what would happen if you didn't have any sound in a movie like that. Would you still be scared if there wasn't the music to make your heart pound? If it was just an image that appeared on the screen?

I think that I might know why I don't sleep at night now. I have to make myself stay awake because it drives me crazy to not tell my best friend good night, and then once I pass a certain point, I am no longer sleepy. Does that happen with everyone? You are tired, really tired, but if you make yourself stay up long enough and you pass that point where you think that you are just going to fall over, then you aren't sleepy anymore? But if I don't stay up, I still can't sleep, no matter how sleepy I was. The only difference is if I don't stay up and say it, when I try to sleep, its terrible dreams and fitful, unrestful sleep. So staying up is the best option.

Hiking doesn't sound very fun to me. Its outside, where there are evil bugs that are for some reason more attracted to me than to any other human being on earth, and where it is hot. Its a long dangerous trail through unfamiliar territory and you aren't sure where you are going to end up or where the next resting spot will be, if there is any other civilization for miles around, and if you get lost, there is not much hope for you. None of that sounds very enjoyable. I would really prefer to not be lost in the wilderness. But I haven't much choice, they are forcing me against my will to do such thing tomorrow. Otherwise I won't get credit for the thing called "summer school". I wonder if you can get lost in a public park.
PrincessC

Saturday, June 12, 2010

My Fair Obsession

I've been told that I have an obsessive personality. That I am easily addicted to things. I didn't believe them before. I do now. When I find a song that I like, I will listen to it over and over and over again for days, never stop listening to it, day and night listen to it, until I find a new song, and then I do it with that song. Normally what happens is I find an artist that I like and I will stick with that artist for a long time. It's a little strange, because on most things I have a hard time paying attention, I have a focus problem. When I am doing logic puzzles, I will get addicted to them until I feel like I can't finish them, and then I will lose interest and quit for a while. But I don't ever lose interest in my music.

They say, those annoying in charge people, that life is never fair. We are raised hearing that life isn't fair. But I believe that there is a point where a little unfair becomes exceptionally unjust. You can't always win, this is true, and it is fair, it hurts but it is fair. But if you never win, and you try and try but never win, that makes you feel like a failure, and that is unjust, because no one is a failure at everything. When people blame you for something that you do or did or have control over, then its fair to say that it is your fault. But when you get blamed and penalized for something that you aren't in charge of, that you can't change and fix because you don't have the power to, that is unjust. And people need to understand that sometimes you wish that you could change things and you have thought of every way possible to change things, but still sometimes you can't. And people shouldn't forget about you because of this, because you don't want things to be the way they are either.


The title of this post reminds me of the fair. I love the fair. I love the animals and the rides and the crafts and the free stuff and the snow cones and other foods that make people sick because you probably shouldn't ever eat them, especially when it is hot because it is the middle of July. I wonder if anyone will want to go with me to the fair this year...
PrincessC

Thursday, June 10, 2010

All I've Got

When I can't remember something, I panic. Its not that I don't remember things exactly, its that I can't bring them to my mind when I want to. I can't remember how people look once I'm no longer in the same room with them, like I don't store their picture in my mind. I can describe them sometimes, but I can't see them in my mind. And I always recognize them when I see them again. But it is very aggravating that I can't just picture them or hear their voice exactly when I want to. I can do complicated math and know how to do it perfectly all day long, but I can't remember something as a simple as that. Its not fair.

Apparently when I play my video games, I get really into them. They told me that I looked very much like a pro gamer, aka nerd, when I played. I think I do that with everything I do, I give 110%. I don't just feel something normally, I really feel it. Like when I feel happy, I feel very happy, like sunshine, smiley faces, flowers, the cute pictures little kids draw happy. When I am sad, I feel very sad, like dark stormy clouds, destruction, devastation, broken hope and dreams and life sad. When I do a project for school, I will devote all of my time to the perfection of it. When I sing, I get so into the song that I know that I look like an idiot, but it doesn't matter to me. I know that it has to look so crazy for me to be singing while randomly walking in town, but I simply can't help it, music is something that means a lot to me, and I get really into it.

It seems to me that sometimes no matter what you do, you can't win. You can spend time doing school work and trying to advance in life, and then late at night you cry because you can't spend time with your best friend. And no matter what you do, you can't fix that hurt. Like you can think about them and think about how it won't be very long before you see them and you can think of all the happy memories, every trick in the book, and nothing helps. And you dream about them, and the dreams aren't even very interesting, but you find yourself being very jealous of the dream you, because she gets to spend time with the dream best friend, but you in reality don't get the real best friend. And you feel like you shouldn't miss them that much, but you do.

But everything will work out in the end, at least it should.

PrincessC

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Judging Books by Their Covers, or Labels Rather

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsPFDzAGb4A&NR=1

If you read the comments of this amazing music video, it is sadly tainted with negative comments about the artist's personal life. He did announce it publicly (I did in fact misspell "announce" and spell check fixed it for me, and that is actually the word that I missed in the spelling bee in fourth grade) which I suppose made us aware of it, but it didn't really make it our business. If you like a food before you know what it is, but then suddenly once you know what is in it you hate it, that doesn't really make any sense. You liked it, so why does knowing what's in it change that? Same thing with the labels that you can put on people. If you liked him before, knowing that he isn't "normal" shouldn't suddenly affect his singing voice. Like I am an American. Knowing that I am an American shouldn't make you suddenly dislike me. And just because I am American doesn't give you right to hate me. You can't just stereotype everyone. Just because you dislike one American doesn't mean that you should hate all of them. And not all Christians are judgemental and harsh people, so it is unfair to label everyone as that. Labels don't define what a person is, no one person fits exactly into the cookie cutter shape that is a label. You define what the label is. Some people believe that since I am asexual, I have the inability to love, which isn't true, just because I don't believe in showing my love the same way and love people the exact same way as a lot of people doesn't mean that I am completely incapable of any love. If you've read any of my other posts, you can see that I am able to love, and I love much and truly. It's different from some people, some people wouldn't be as satisfied with the type of love I have, but that doesn't make what I do wrong. I personally really dislike frozen green beans, but canned green beans aren't that bad. Just because they have the word green beans similar doesn't mean that they have to be exactly alike, and they aren't, they have different tastes. I quite like frozen peas. Just because they have frozen in the label just like the green beans doesn't mean that I automatically hate them as well. If I didn't have the variety of different vegetables, my life would be repetitive and boring and I wouldn't have a well balanced diet. Same with the world, if we didn't have the vast assortment of people that make up all the different parts of the world, if we were all alike, there would only be need for one human because they could do the jobs of everyone. People need to learn to not live by labels, not let labels affect what they do and what they say. Labels are a part of you, you aren't solely them.

I shall leave you with another song. This is the one that easily gets stuck in my head.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1Fqn9du7xo&NR=1
PrincessC

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

You've Got a Friend In Me

I think that there is a certain commitment you make when you become best friends. Whenever something hurts one of you, it hurts both of you. When one of you is happy, both are happy. And you think the same way about certain things too. And you know exactly what to do to make the person feel better most of the time, even if you don't realize that you are doing anything to help. Love isn't about how much you deserve it, because no one really deserves it, simply because you can't not deserve it. Love just is, and you just have to appreciate it. I think that you love all of your friends, but you love your best friend most deeply and you are connected more with them than anyone else.

I love that smile you always have
Its like you're happy to see me
And how you talk to me
With so much honest joy
How I went so long
Without you
I will never know
Sometimes it still amazes me
How much you truly care
And I'm so glad that we have
This friendship we can share
I really like how every time
I know when you are near
Because every time you're close to me
My happiness appears
And I know that if I think of you
Before I go to sleep
That my dreams will always be happy ones
Ones that are so sweet

I think that poem really explains the happy, almost childlike playfulness and joy that is a great friendship. A friendship that is the reason that you get up in the morning, one of the only reasons that you bother to do that. A friendship that is hours and hours of talking and laughing together. A friendship that is filled with hugs and love.
PrincessC

Monday, June 7, 2010

Matters of the Heart

Poetry has to be the most powerful form of writing. It is basically raw emotion, you can feel it in its rhythm, the way the words form in your mouth, the momentum of the phrases. Even down to the carefully placed punctuation marks, they ooze with whatever emotion they speak of. If its rage, you can feel the heat, the blood pumping through the person's veins, the thoughts rattling in the person's mind, the emotion building and building until eventually it reaches its climax and explodes. Or if its nice and happy and flowery, you can feel the love, feel the joy, smell the fresh flowers of spring time, feel the sunshine on your shoulder, hear the birds sing their joyful songs. I enjoy greatly sharing my thoughts with all of you through this writing, but I must say that my preferred way of speaking is through my poetry.

I found a quote today, and it is one of the most truthful things I have read in a long time. "Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart." This is so very true. When you are silent, people worry. Especially if you talk all the time. Like me, if there was ever a day that I was silent, you should be very very worried. You can worry that you have said something very wrong and terrible and the other person is ignoring you. Or you can worry that something terrible has happened and they want to talk to you but they can't. Or you can feel completely left out because they are ignoring you on purpose because they are doing something very cool that you weren't invited to and you want to do something with them but you never get to and maybe you aren't as important to them as you thought that you were, you aren't as important to them as they are to you, and you begin to question things that you shouldn't. But words only hurt for a little bit. Most hateful words come from people you don't like, so it doesn't matter, you can just go to your best friend for comfort. Or if it would happen to come from your close friend, maybe it was a slip of the tongue or you took it the wrong way. Or maybe they just aren't really your friend, which would hurt so terribly bad. But the words themselves don't hurt as much as the silence does. Words can tug at the heart strings and make you cry, but silence can shatter the heart itself and leave you with nothing but an empty terrible feeling inside. And really it isn't the words that make you hurt if your friend does something to hurt you, it is the confusion and silence that does.

Today I was told that I laugh like an evil scientist, that they pictured me with boiling beakers and bubbling concoctions of chemicals. The scientist part fits me all right, but I'm not sure about the evil part....
PrincessC

Sunday, June 6, 2010

The Mind is a Country

This is an analogy that I wrote a while ago. I think that it is a pretty fair, and interesting way to look at the world, and makes sense if you really think about it.


The mind is like a country. Some countries have tighter security than others and a passport is harder to get. This stays true whether you wish to gain a passport to leave or one to enter. But all countries have visitors. Sometimes people lie to get a passport and other times they sneak in. Honest people are welcomed with open arms.

The country usually has one ruler. The ruler isn't always nice. The ruler can be elected in, or it can be the result of some hostile takeover. An evil ruler doesn't take into consideration what would be best for all the people in the country, it only sees one thing and sets its mind to it. A good ruler also sets goals and meets them, but they make sure it is whats best.

There are different types of countries. Some are weak, small countries, easily taken over by other countries. These countries are in need of help from larger, stronger countries. Unfortunately, not all of the countries offer assistance. They can be so focused on themselves that they don't pay attention to the world around them. This is sometimes the result of a bad leader, but sometimes it is truly for the best that they focus on themselves if they are having trouble. At such times, they need help from countries like themselves.

Natural disasters can strike a country. As long as the hurting country is given help, the disaster isn't all bad. It signals new growth, and change, and a new start at life. Sometimes it seems like a disaster, but it is what is needed.

Strong countries can be hard to find at times. Not everyone is a strong country. All have the potential, but few realize it. It is usually thanks to a strong country already in existence that one realizes their potential. When countries form allies, they really have the power to change the world.

PrincessC

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Green, Terrible Color

Green with envy. Greed is green. The color has a bad reputation. Sure grass is green, and its ok I guess, but green is also the color you turn when you are sick. Greed isn't really a problem with me, I will keep money for centuries and never spend it, I'm always afraid that I might really need it one day so I have to keep it. But I don't really want more of it, I'm kind of fine with not having any, I don't need anything, and I don't really want anything. Sick, everyone has problems with that occasionally, but its not too big of a deal. Come to think of it though, I am perhaps greedy with other things, that overlap with jealousy: people. Its a terrible terrible thing, but it seems to happen with me. The second someone leaves after spending time with me, I miss them and want them to come back. Or when I go somewhere, I never want to leave. I realize that they have other things that they have to do though, and do not get too upset. It just seems very sad to me to have to leave. Saying good bye is very much a problem with me, it seems too final and ending and as though you never plan on seeing them again, and it makes me even more sad, even though I know that I will probably see them again very soon. I didn't used to have such a problem with good bye, but due to a certain event, I really have an issue with it now. Perhaps this isn't jealousy though, perhaps this is just love and as long as I do not let my missing them keep them from doing other thing and I'm not selfish about it, it is fine. I do miss people though, very strongly. It could be five seconds since I last talked to you, and already I would miss you. I'm not sure why this is either, I used to be fine with being completely alone for long periods of time, but now I can not stand it. I don't like being alone anymore.

Some days I seem to be a little more emotionally fragile than others. I am afraid that during one of these times my friends will get tired of putting up with me and leave me. But they haven't yet. There is one in particular that I'm always afraid this will happen to, because I tell him everything. But he hasn't. I'm pretty sure that I have the best best friend in all the world. Like if it were a competition to see who the best best friend in the whole world was, he would win. I get upset, not at him, at time, for not being able to do something together. All I want is just to sit and talk and enjoy each other's company. You wouldn't think that would be such a hard thing to do, but it is apparently. I don't get angry, I just get sad. Very sad.

I think that I am going to do something else now, to try to be unsad.
PrincessC

Friday, June 4, 2010

Remember the Day...

Before I get to the major topic, I have found what may be the greatest song ever. It speaks of the place that I want to visit more than anywhere else. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIrmPEyt0Nc You just have to listen to it, it is amazing.

Now, I will speak of the subject in the title, while listening to the song of course. Memories, we make them all the time, we can't not make them, unless you forget something, I guess that is a nonmemory. Anyway, you can't pick your memories, just like you can't pick what you hear (well you kind of can, but once you overhear something, there isn't any going back and not hearing it). You have them for a lifetime. Which is why you want to make good ones, not stupid ones. My memories are very interesting. I love remembering things, especially things about important people. Music is really good for bringing back happy memories. Like the song I mentioned earlier (really, if you haven't listened, you need to) reminds me of my cousin and my mini me, because I remember talking about that all the time with them. Talk of pancakes and moose, good times. Or the countless number of songs that remind me of my best friend. Like every song by Britney, or every song ever possibly played one note of on The OC. And its not always music that I associate with memories and people and places, its everything. Like I played my video game on the student council trip and on my science trip. Now that was two completely different sets of people to travel with. But both were fun. Or I spilled nail polish on these pajamas, orange nail polish to be exact, the first time I wore them, which was on the science trip, and it was brand new nail polish too, and then walked barefoot in a hotel (upon reflection that was really gross) with my best friend to get water while wearing them. Or something really obscure, like I thought about wearing these socks one week before going to do something with my best friend and ended up not wearing them.

On a related yet not really note, I also do strange things with every number I see. I will add and subtract and divide and multiply and count and everything mathematical to find something common between all the numbers. For example, if I see a house number that is 3594, I will do something like "9+5=14, and 4+3=7. So the two outside numbers are equal to half the inside." That way the world has order and purpose and isn't just random. I really love math a lot, in case you couldn't tell.

Smells remind me of things too. Maybe that's because I have a pretty sensitive sense of smell. Its the first thing that I notice about a person or a room. Like peppermint reminds me of clean hair and Christmas. Or the strange hospital but not quite hospital smell that is discovery reminds me of when I got my microscope. Once I find a smell I like, like in my perfume, it really bothers me to change because I think that if other people make that memory/smell connection, I don't want to mess that up. Though I'm not sure what kind of memories people form about me. Maybe it would be better if they didn't remember them.

I think that swimming makes you more tired than any other form of halfway exercise. You don't notice that you are tired or sore until after you get out of the water. Its like water has magical properties. It is a polar molecule. That doesn't sound too impressive to know, but on the giant science crossword I said that it was a molar molecule. I didn't think that molar made much sense... Now every time I drink a glass of water, I remember that case of mistaken molecule identity.
PrincessC

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Appearance is Everything... Or Is It?

"Pretty people." We see them everywhere. Magazines while waiting in line at the grocery store. Commercials that you can't seem to avoid these days. The pointless advertisements on websites that no one reads. Everyone seems to care about how they look. But maybe pretty isn't the cooker cutter image we seem to think it is. Maybe not everyone needs to be the same height and size and have each hair on their head in the exact same place as everyone else. That would make the world a really boring place. Everyone has different ideas, and honestly, without the ideas that come from everyone, we wouldn't be able to advance. Without the knowledge of how to build houses, it wouldn't matter if we were pretty or if we could build a computer, because we wouldn't have anywhere to live. Everyone contributes to society. Not everyone is cut out to be a person on an ad. But just because they aren't on the cover of magazines, doesn't make them not pretty. Pretty has to do with the mind. Or at least it should. I realize that people are mainly shallow and really care about appearance, but they maybe shouldn't, because there are so many more important things to worry about. If I find the cure for cancer, people shouldn't care what my hair looks like. And people should never think that the only thing that they have is their appearance. People have depth, they can't just be something as superficial as good looks, they aren't mannequins. Some people know things about celebrities and other culture things. Some people are super nice. Some people are both. Now some people are more athletic, and some favor thinking and intellectual things, but that doesn't make any of them more important or more attractive than the others. They both have great minds, and great hearts, at least in a perfect world, so their appearance shouldn't matter. I really wonder how many people think appearance is the most important thing. Like they wouldn't care if the person was the most horrible person in the world as long as they looked nice. Or how many people would not spend time with their friends because they have to go get their hair done or have to go tanning, and then look "nice" and then be all lonely. I personally don't think that appearance is all that important, it just matters how they act.
PrincessC

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Dreams, Sweet Dreams

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjIssqHQJ6o
"A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come shining through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream that you wish will come true."

Believing in dreams is something we seem to lose when we get older. Small children believe without proof. They don't worry about things. They don't plan out every detail of things. They take life one day at a time, and they know that dreaming is important. They dream things, sometimes impossible things, but they don't think about how impossible they are, they focus on how much they love them. When we get older, people tell us no, that we can't do things, that things aren't real. They kill our dreams. And we sadly, slowly lose the ability to dream. Dreams are nothing if you don't believe in them. But dreams should be everything. They tell us things about ourselves. They give us hope for the future. They pick the good out, and show it to us, show us that no matter how bad things seem, there is one thing, one shining light, that we have that gives up hope. Dreams make you happy when sometimes nothing else can, because they may seem a little impossible, but they show what you want, what you would love to have more than anything else. And that gives you joy. Truly nothing is impossible, if you dream of it, and you want it, you work towards it, you can make your dream a reality.

Nightmares are an unfortunate fact of dreaming. They take these magical, joyful things and turn them upside down. But they aren't a waste of dreams. Because they still tell us things about ourselves that we need to know but might not any other way. They show us our fears. They show us what we don't like, what we don't want, and maybe at times, when we want things aren't good for us. I don't like nightmares anymore than anyone else does, but you must have a certain level of appreciation for them, because they do give us knowledge at times, if you know how to read them.

I believe very much in my dreams. I love having them, and I love imagining that they will come true. I really want them to come true, and they really should. I take my dreams very seriously, and spend a lot of time thinking about them. They really are very important things.
PrincessC

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Those People

School. I am beginning to think that the only reason it is even important anymore is for the social aspect of it. The education system is so corrupted that you don't learn anything. It is too streamlined and standardized for it to really help us out very much in the future. They make you take certain classes so you get exposed to everything and then slow everything down so everyone can get it. So what happens is you learn a little bit about a lot of things, but not as much as you should have learned in that course. Where as if they let you pick what class you wanted to be in, for instance chemistry since you know that you don't much care for biology, then you would have a class of really dedicated students that cared and actually wanted to learn and then you would actually learn things. But no, they don't like that idea. You may wonder who "they" are, for I speak of them often. "They" are the "leaders", the people that are in charge of stuff and end up ruining half of it. Not all leaders are bad, and leaders are definitely needed, anarchy is bad. But sometimes leaders need to get and actually use more insights from the majority of people, and they need to consider the minorities with great respect and esteem, so that the world can have progress and grow stronger and wiser.

But school. It is a place to see people. For instance, today. Today was actually a really good day (at least the beginning of it was, more on this later). I didn't see the people that I normally do, which since I am anti-change (which you already know), I wasn't sure that I was going to like. But I walked in that building with an open mind (and full and very noisy water jug a.k.a. "hydration container") and was pleasantly surprised. There are people there I can actually talk to. Its a little boring, Frisbee should not be considered a sport, though it isn't exercise intensive so its not a terrible activity. And technically it is called "lifetime activities" so maybe they are teaching us how to play with our dogs. I'm pretty certain that my lifetime activity will be done somewhere in a lab doing something science related, but whatever. There were some people that I knew, with one I had an interesting conversation about germ-x which led to a quite memorable quote. I'll save that story for a later time. And I suppose that I knew all of them vaguely. But now I believe that I have formed some nice friendships with those people.

Now for the part that is becoming the usual: my like/dislike section. Truthfully I suppose it is all like that, but not quite exactly. Anyways, for today...
Every time that someone doesn't want to talk to me, I find myself being hurt. I love to talk. I talk all the time. I didn't used to, but I do now. And I talk to anyone and everyone. But when my best friend doesn't want to talk to me, I feel basically like a complete failure at life. My friend should be able to always talk to me about anything, anything that upsets or excites or anything at all. But apparently I am the worst best friend ever, because its not like that. I think that sometimes he thinks that I get mad at him, but I never do. I get mad at myself for not being the friend that I should be to him. Maybe its because I talk too much, or maybe because I think too much, or perhaps because I dream too much. Whatever the problem, I am determined to find it and fix it. Because he deserves that.
PrincessC