Green, Terrible Color

Green with envy. Greed is green. The color has a bad reputation. Sure grass is green, and its ok I guess, but green is also the color you turn when you are sick. Greed isn't really a problem with me, I will keep money for centuries and never spend it, I'm always afraid that I might really need it one day so I have to keep it. But I don't really want more of it, I'm kind of fine with not having any, I don't need anything, and I don't really want anything. Sick, everyone has problems with that occasionally, but its not too big of a deal. Come to think of it though, I am perhaps greedy with other things, that overlap with jealousy: people. Its a terrible terrible thing, but it seems to happen with me. The second someone leaves after spending time with me, I miss them and want them to come back. Or when I go somewhere, I never want to leave. I realize that they have other things that they have to do though, and do not get too upset. It just seems very sad to me to have to leave. Saying good bye is very much a problem with me, it seems too final and ending and as though you never plan on seeing them again, and it makes me even more sad, even though I know that I will probably see them again very soon. I didn't used to have such a problem with good bye, but due to a certain event, I really have an issue with it now. Perhaps this isn't jealousy though, perhaps this is just love and as long as I do not let my missing them keep them from doing other thing and I'm not selfish about it, it is fine. I do miss people though, very strongly. It could be five seconds since I last talked to you, and already I would miss you. I'm not sure why this is either, I used to be fine with being completely alone for long periods of time, but now I can not stand it. I don't like being alone anymore.

Some days I seem to be a little more emotionally fragile than others. I am afraid that during one of these times my friends will get tired of putting up with me and leave me. But they haven't yet. There is one in particular that I'm always afraid this will happen to, because I tell him everything. But he hasn't. I'm pretty sure that I have the best best friend in all the world. Like if it were a competition to see who the best best friend in the whole world was, he would win. I get upset, not at him, at time, for not being able to do something together. All I want is just to sit and talk and enjoy each other's company. You wouldn't think that would be such a hard thing to do, but it is apparently. I don't get angry, I just get sad. Very sad.

I think that I am going to do something else now, to try to be unsad.
PrincessC