Anticipation...

The more you want something, and the more you can't have it, the slower time goes by while you're waiting and wishing for it. This applies to so many things. When you want to shower because you are gross but have to wait hours before you get home, it seems like its taking days. When you are waiting for your birthday or for school to start again, that takes centuries. Waiting for your best friend to get off work so he can talk to you: eons. The only thing longer than an eon is... I'm not really sure, but had I known that I would have said that is how long it feels like you are waiting for your best friend to talk to you.

Uploading videos on YouTube takes a long time. Making the video so you can put it on there takes even longer. What happens to me is that I get one part good, really good, perfect, and then I watch that part a million times because its so good. And I get so excited and then forget that I still have 3 minutes of music still left to add clips too. Its quite the dilemma. Then I realize that I haven't gotten very far at all, and it won't matter how amazing it is if its never finished. Then I get discouraged and get back to work with a slightly sad attitude. And then after hours of working and it still seems to be not getting anywhere, at least not anywhere in a hurry, I just throw things in because I get bored and want it done. I am getting better at not doing that though. At least when it comes to movies. Things like logic puzzles, crafts, cleaning, if it seems that not much progress is happening, I just quit. Luckily I don't just give up on people though, because sometimes it takes some getting to know me before you want to be my friend, and then if I didn't let people do that, I wouldn't have very many friends. I don't have many close ones now, but I wouldn't have any sort of acquaintances and maybe not my close ones had I not been a little patient. I know people certainly have to be patient with me. My video, should you like to view it, can be found here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKtor8ULDjI

When you are afraid of something, I think that might be when time drags on the longest. When you are afraid that someone close to you has been hurt, and you wait to hear something from them to make sure they are ok, time goes by so slowly. Its worse than waiting for them to get off work. Trust me, I would know, I live this often. When you are afraid of the dark, night never ends. I don't think its really a fear of the dark though, I think its a fear of the things that are in the dark. Or a fear of being isolated and alone. Not really of the dark itself. Because if you have someone next to you that you trust, you aren't afraid anymore, because you aren't alone. Perhaps all fears are like that, they don't matter if you have someone you love next to you, you know that everything will be ok as long as they are there.

Yesterday, I talked about things that I disliked. Today, I will mention briefly something that I do like. Making my best friend smile. Its something that I always strive to do, something that I love doing. When he smiles, it makes me smile, his laughter is very catching. When he is happy, it makes something inside of me feel like its glowing. I think that might be happy that you get inside of you, the glowing feeling, not just the smile on your face happy like you try to act in pictures. Which that never works, it almost always looks forced. Unless you actually have reason to be happy, smiles don't normally look very convincing. Because it has to do with the way your eyes look. If the eyes don't sparkle, probably due to the inside glowing feeling, then its not true happy. But doing something that makes him happy makes me feel very good, and it makes me very happy.

Tomorrow school starts again for a month. Summer school. I spent a week bored, and then when I finally find something to do and enjoy summer, school starts again. Such is life. I will now reflect upon how I made my best friend smile today, with the video of which the link is posted here. I think I should sleep well tonight, I always do when I am happy.
PrincessC

Space, Please

There are things that I do not like. I speak very loudly. Therefore everyone, whether I know them or not, probably knows what I like and what I don't, for I am not ashamed to speak my mind loud and proud. One thing I don't like: doctors. Doctors, dentists, and things put into a category with those types of people, I dislike. They are all up in your business, both by asking questions and by just poking you and looking at places and things that you should not let people do. Its really bad with the dentist I think. The doctor just asks lots of things and then looks in your ears and then you leave. Not that terrible. But the dentist gets all friendly and handsy all up in your mouth, which no one should have entrance there. That is inside of me, you shouldn't be all looking and touching and investigating inside my body. Its weird, you don't do that. How would you like it if I just stuck my hand in your mouth and felt around everywhere and looked everywhere? I wouldn't ever do it because its gross. And you actually probably would freakishly like it. I went to the dentist once, and I don't plan on ever going back. Disgusting and disturbing.

Something else I don't like: getting my hair cut. Now these people aren't all up in your space to terribly bad. But in order to get your hair cut, you have to be seated. I don't like sitting in public, even at school, I would much prefer to stand. When you are sitting, you are weak, powerless. Especially when you are practically lying down in a dentist's chair or when getting your hair washed. By standing, you have more power. You have the power to run away. You have the power to fight. Standing is good. When sitting, you don't have the power to run. You barely have to power to move at all. You can't fend off an attack easily while sitting. Something else about getting your hair cut: you have to be careful who you trust to do it. Hair grows back, this is true. But waiting for it to grow out once you get something you really don't like takes ages. Maybe not literally, but it certainly does feel like it.

One last thing that I don't like: change. Simple, small changes that don't affect much are fine. But when you start changing the schedule and basically the order of life itself, I have a problem with that. Making dinner an hour later one day, totally fine. Deciding that you are going to not talk to me for a week and then when you do talk again it is very infrequent: not fine. Changing your entire life schedule at the drop of a hat: very not fine. Such is the shock nature of summer. Very not fine.

Something I do like: space. I mean this in both that I must be able to have my own personal space, and outer space. Both are very important to me. Looking at the stars and being able to breathe my own air are very nice things. Sometimes I am ok with not having all of my space, like if my amigo gives me a hug, that is fine, that is actually very nice. He smells good and is warm. But some stranger standing too close breathing down my neck is not good. Or teachers staring over your shoulder during a test, that bothers me so much. I will actually stop working until they leave. I really don't like people doing that. People standing behind me in general is something that I don't like, especially when I am sitting.

I feel like this post made a nice circle, it started sort of about sitting and ended sort of about sitting. I believe that my work here for the day is now done.
PrincessC

Time is of the Essence

Never underappreciate time spent with loved ones. It can heal the soul, bring peace to the mind, make your heart cheerful, and bring a smile to your face. If that quality time is spent playing video games, its even better. One person close to me doesn't enjoy video games though, but that person is my best friend, so it doesn't matter. Movies or just about anything is fun with him, as long as we do it together, it doesn't really matter what we do. Most of all I like to talk though I think. I love my best friend to death (if you didn't know that by now, you haven't been comprehending anything) but he always wants to be doing something, always wants to be busy. Which is fine, I like doing things like watching movies and playing games and all of that is good fun. But sometimes I would just prefer to talk, just sit and talk and enjoy each other's company. When we aren't together, we talk all the time. But when we are together, we hardly ever do. "Talk is cheap and time is money." Not everything is about money, time is something much more valuable than money, and talk isn't cheap, its something I treasure. Every word told to me I keep in my heart and appreciate. Countless conversations I am able to run through my head again because I have them memorized (when you have a memory as sharp as mine, that isn't too difficult) and whenever I feel a little sad or scared, I think of them and they make me feel better. There is one thing that will cause me to be upset quicker than anything, and that is when someone messes with my family. My best friend is a part of my family, because he is so close and important to me. So I'm not leaving anyone out when I say that I protect my family, or at least that I want to protect them. I can't be everywhere at once, so I can't always make sure that they are all safe. But I certainly would like to.

I'm not sure if this is how it is with everyone or not, but when someone is really important to me, I want to tell them. I want them to know exactly how I feel. But it seems like the words I pick are never good enough. When I try to explain how I feel, it doesn't seem like the other person gets exactly how important they are. I get really frustrated sometimes, because I really want them to know and they don't and then I blame myself so I keep trying to tell them but I never feel like I do a good enough job and I never feel that I tell them enough how much I care about them.

I always feel guilty when I don't answer my friends back right away. They tell me things because they want me to know and they want to know what I think. So it makes me feel really bad when I don't answer back soon. I have spent hours on the computer and gotten in trouble many times because I have to make sure that nothing important is told to me and I miss it. It doesn't even have to be something important, it could be something like "Hey, whats going on" and I would feel bad about not answering because they obviously wanted to talk and they probably actually care about what I am doing since they asked and I should answer them right away so they know that I'm not ignoring them or anything. I feel like its never the other person's fault if they don't answer me right away, maybe they just got busy or maybe I said something wrong or maybe I didn't answer in time. But I feel like it is always my fault if I don't answer, because I should always be there for them no matter what. That's just the way my mind works.
PrincessC

Whatever: An Assortment of Thoughts

Its weird, once you lose someone really important to you, you hold the people you still have really close to you, because you are so afraid of losing them. I think that may be why people hug you when you are upset, they want to show that they are there for you, and they exist and live and you still have them. Once you lose someone, you want constant contact with the people you love, just to make sure that they are safe and ok, and you really don't want to let them out of your sight, but you have to, because you know that it isn't right to keep them in a bubble. "I trust you, its the world and how it treats you that I worry about." That is how I feel.

I have listened to a lot of music lately. Online radio, quite the thing, I really enjoy it. Its good to get something new in your life sometimes. Other times its less than great, but new music is normally really good. I've written a lot of things too. I may post some of them at a later time.

Gardening is quite the activity. Especially if none of the tools you need work properly and you have to use rocks to plug holes in mechanical things and duct tape to keep tools from flying apart.

The day has been exceptionally long, and a little unpleasant. When you have bad dreams the night before and don't really sleep very much and then get up and then...I'm not sure, the day has just kind of came and gone, I'm not really sure what has went on. It involved cleaning and a lot of socks and a bunch of other really not fun stuff. Even my thoughts haven't been able to keep me cheerful. There was an extreme lack of person that makes my days perfect. Perhaps tomorrow I will be able to relay some deep topic or delightful news.
PrincessC

Secrets, Decisions

Life is full of decisions, that's something that they tell you when you are very young. You decide what you eat, what you wear, what you do, and what you don't. As you get older, you get more chances to choice. And also more chances to mess things up. Society has also changed as it has gotten older. It seems to me that the smarter we get, the stupider we get. We have high-definition television (smart, technologically advanced) that shows bad programming (less than intelligent). We are teaching the younger generations things that we didn't know at that age, we are causing them to lose their innocence earlier. But we don't seem to even care. Music, we have the ability to carry thousands of songs in our pockets, in something the same width as a pencil (smart) but the things that we listen to on those devices, the songs that we program into those devices (less than smart). If there is one thing in this world that you want to daily struggle to keep right, its your witness. How you appear to people needs to match with what you say.

I have a secret love. Country music. I'm not sure why, I used to tell people that I didn't like it, but I always really have. There is just something so...reminiscent about it. Its what my grandparents always listened to. I miss that time, those times when I would go over there, they were always so proud of me. We would always do jigsaw puzzles together, and I would always get upset because my grandfather wouldn't do it right, but he would always try to help. Things were so simple and peaceful and nice over there. Things could be so bad and then instantly better as soon as I entered that house. Once, it was the middle of a bad storm, but I wasn't worried at all, because nothing could go wrong when I was in that house with those people. I suppose that is what I am searching for now, looking for that peaceful place and happiness again. I'm not sure where or when I'll find it, but I'm not going to stop searching until I find it.

There is something else about country music too. The bus, the big yellow school bus. Back before I had any shame, I would always sing on the bus, sing along to the radio, which was always country music. I remember that I wouldn't always know the words, but it was country music which only has basically three themes, my woman loves me, my woman left me, and beer, so making up words isn't too difficult. No one ever seemed to notice, or they just didn't say anything. I hear rumors that I have a pretty nice singing voice, so maybe they just enjoyed listening.

I think that is probably enough reminiscing for one night.
Later,
PrincessC

Open Heart, Open Mind

Perfect. Everyone has different ideas on what they think perfect is. Some people think perfect is a song that comes on at just the right moment. Some people think that perfect is a beautiful picture in a museum. Others think that its a lazy afternoon on the beach, with no worries, no expectations, just calm and quiet. I know what perfect is. Perfect is an afternoon spent with your best friend, where nothing else seemed to exist, nothing else really mattered. Its hide and seek, its watching a movie, its jumping on a trampoline. Its anything and everything you can possibly think of doing, and it doesn't really matter what you do, as long as you do it with your best friend. That's what makes it perfect, not the activities, not the glitter and fancy shiny things, just time of togetherness.

My best friend really means a lot to me, more than he could possibly ever know. One of my favorite quotes of all time has to be this one: "A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you just the same." Now there are about a million different variations of that quote, and I'm not entirely certain who the very first person to say it was, but it is one of the most truthful things I have ever heard in my life. There are times that I have thought "Well, I've really done it this time, he will never talk to me again" and then always the next morning I will get a message saying "Hey amiga!" and then realize how very lucky I am to have such a true friend. Sometimes I think that he doesn't see how he is there for me. I know I have moments at times when I am less than great company, because I let my sad emotions get the best of me. Every time, within two sentences, he makes me smile and completely turns my day around. My past isn't a great one, I haven't done a lot of amazing things, I've had some pretty low places. But that doesn't seem to really affect him, unlike has happened with other people. He honestly and truly cares, and my past doesn't scare him. And quite honestly, without him, I'm not really sure that I would be alive today. He has helped me so much. I really hope that I am always there for him, because he really deserves it.

PrincessC

Agitation, a Pencil, and El Queso Gigante

El Queso Gigante, The Giant Cheese. Surely nothing else in the world can beat its amazingness. What else can boast such grandness, and be the largest attraction in the entire grocery store, in the entire history of grocery stores, in the history of mankind? Ok, that may be a bit much, but you have to admit, this cheese is pretty great.

On to other business. I woke up this morning, after sleeping better than I had in a while, most likely after yesterday's post and the ability to release emotion and be understood, and then I innocently got on one of my choice social networking sites, and then nearly immediately got off. Why, you ask. Because some people have no heart. Some people care only about themselves, and no one else. And some people think that they are better than everyone else. All of these people you can't help but feel sorry for. They do not understand what it means to be a compassionate, loving, kind human being. To not understand love, to not be able to feel it and share it and know it, would have to be the worst thing that could ever happen to a person. Maybe that is judging them a bit too harshly though, and I have no right to do that.

Relay for Life is an important cause to my family. My cousin is a 18 year cancer survivor. My great grandmother and great grandfather died from cancer. So I am pretty excited to be a part of a team this year. The theme is birthdays, celebrating a world with more birthdays. I think its a really cool idea. If we can find the cure for cancer, people won't die from it, therefore they will live longer, celebrating more birthdays. Before I realized that biology wasn't my strong area of science, I always wanted to be the person to discover that cure. Not for the fame and glory, just to share it with other people, to help others. I think that would be really cool, to be able to help people that have been told for years that they have no hope, to make it so hearing "You have cancer" isn't any different from something like "You have a cold". Or even better, make it like smallpox: eradicated.
http://www.relayforlife.org/relay/

It's said that writing is the most powerful tool there is, that and your brain, which really go hand in hand, you can't write without a brain, well you can, but it won't be thoughtful writing. I write a lot (as I'm sure you can tell from this). I write random dialogue that I think of, poetry, everything. I was thinking earlier, it would be pretty cool if I could compile all of that into an actual story. Or if they made this blog into a book someday. I'm not sure if people would read it or not, but its an idea. My personal preference isn't to type things first, its to write them with a pencil. Especially poems, they need to be personal and thoughtful, something best done in pencil. I may go do some of that pencil writing now, I feel rather creative.
PrincessC

Dictionary Definitions and Happily Ever After

The main point of all fairy tales: the princess meets a prince, usually due to the whole "damsel in distress" thing, they fall in love, and everyone lives happily ever after. The villain dies, which I guess they don't live happily ever after, but no one seems to care about them. Or they live in banishment, which is probably worse than being dead. But the main point I am trying to make is that they make this huge deal about this happily ever after thing. I don't think its true. I don't think that maybe people are supposed to live happily ever after. Or perhaps I am just not supposed to live happily ever after. Maybe I am the villain, and just didn't ever realize it. I have always thought that I was the good one, but I imagine that the villain probably thinks that they are doing right too. Maybe I've got it all wrong, maybe I'm not supposed to find a prince, maybe I'm not a princess, maybe I'm not supposed to live happily ever after.

Or maybe the way I live requires me to rewrite the fairy tales. What if there is no prince, but that isn't a problem because I don't need one? Maybe I am a princess that just needs her best friend, someone that she can rely on completely, to make her live happily ever after. I did a lot of thinking last night. I thought about what and where the day had brought me and brought me to and brought me through. I don't think that I slept at all (that could have been because my mind was busy, or maybe caffeine and a three hour long nap in the middle of the day). Yesterday, I was honest. Honesty is good, it is so much better than lying. (Again, you really don't get a good reading on who I am and what I mean when I say things unless you read all of my posts.) Complete honesty is something that is respected, something that I expect from my friends. It also seems to be my complete honesty that gets me into the most trouble. If you look up the definition of trouble you will find:

1) a cause of distress, annoyance, or inconvenience

2) Princess Cameron

It is an unfortunate fact of life. If you look up the second definition in the thesaurus, you may find "possibly the greatest scientific mind of our generation" as a synonym, but that is really beside the point in this illustration.

I think maybe I have different definitions of like and love than other people do. Examples:

• I love my logic puzzles, they keep me distracted when I am sad, make me feel accomplished and good about myself when they are completed correctly.
  
• I like broccoli. A lot of people don't (at least considering that I still think like a five year old sometimes), most people think that it is yucky.
  
• I love my mother and father, just like I love my brother, just like I love my friends. They are all important people in my life, I can't imagine losing any of them, it would be devastating to me.
  
• I like my friends too, in a different way than I like inanimate objects, in a deep way, that is different than love, that is different than anything.
  

Ok, now before anyone gets out the torches and pitchforks and heavy machinery or tells me that I am the most contridictory person in the world, allow me a chance to explain myself. Then, if you still have a problem with me, we can discuss it later. I know what I have said before (like yesterday and January 3 and probably other times) but just hear me out.

To me, to like a person is to mean that I never want them to leave. I want to be (or at least feel like) a very important thing to them, be something that they couldn't live without. And...that's about it. I'm not so much for the labels of significant other, don't really think the whole touching business associated with "being a couple" is really for me. Maybe I just want a really close friendship and that's it. Which is why in my mind, I like them, because it is a deep feeling, but its not really the same as when other people think about like. And maybe that helps to explain my pretty poor definition that I gave in that January 3 post. And maybe you could really care less.

I think that is enough for one day, I feel very relieved to have released all of that. Perhaps tonight I shall sleep peacefully.

PrincessC

The Verse Mentioned in "Some Spanish, Some Religion, Some Life"

Matthew 19:12 For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."

Some Spanish, Some Religion, Some Life

Twitter has been both good and bad for me. It is a way for me to tell my best friend something without actually telling it to him. Like I say exactly what I need to, I just do it in Spanish. So if he had the desire to read it, he could. But if not, then my secrets are safe. Not that they are exactly secrets anymore, but I like to pretend that they are. It hurts less that way.

I love God, really and truly I do. I love my church family, I love reading my Bible (that thing has got some good wisdom in it). In fact I was really excited about two weeks ago about this verse I found.
Matthew 19:12 (the text of which you can find in another post of mine)
It proves that asexuals exist, they aren't just some new strange unacceptable thing, Jesus knew about them and knew that they were good and that they should not be ridiculed for their lifestyle. At least that is how I interpret this. To each their own I suppose, if you don't agree with me.

Well that was some Spanish, and some religion, I guess the next would be some life. I suppose life is a mixture of the previous two, plus a little bit more. I have decided that if I were an aromantic ace, my life would be unbelievably easier. But instead, my life has decided to treat me unusually cruelly, and made me want something I can't have. That is almost as bad as not knowing something or liars (you would have to had read some entries before this one to understand what I mean by that). Perhaps by being ace or maybe just by being me, or maybe a combination of both but the point of origin probably doesn't really matter, I like to play it safe with everything I do. I don't take chances. I don't do stupid things that could kill me. I don't ride roller coasters because they cause me to be at the mercy of the metal and the ride operator, which means that I am no longer in control, and I do not like that. When I die, I want it to be completely my own fault, no one else's. So of course, before I can like someone, I have to know them. Not just know their name, but like every intimate detail about their life, so I can decide if liking them is a risk worth taking. Because deciding if you like someone or not is a risk. It may not kill you, but for about a year or so you kind of wish that it would, it would probably cause less pain that way. There is a saying around my household: God never gives you more than you can handle. I have clung to that for about a year and a half now, that gives me hope and strength. But I think that God might have me wrong, He must expect me to be Superwoman or something, because He really enjoys pushing me to my limits. Some days, I'm really not sure what to do, I would really hate to think how many nights I have spent crying. I used to tell people when I cried all night long. But I don't anymore. They don't care anyways, they don't understand, they just think that I am being a child and need to grow up. Maybe they are right, I don't know. But I don't think that I will be able to change anytime soon.

PrincessC

A Friendly Reminder

Dear readers,
It is nearly summer. The weather is warm. Please do not leave your heat on. You may not want to turn on the air conditioner yet, but please do not leave the heat on. Thank you.
Also, if you plan on causing your best friend significant stress by doing less than intelligent things, please don't. They really do not appreciate having to stay up late at night worrying sick about you.
I am very confused and fighting the desire to cry right now, so later.
PrincessC

Boredom and a Hurt Brain

I have found the never ending logic puzzle. I have been working on it for hours, and I'm still not getting very far on it. It's supposed to make a picture when you are done, but this one just looks like a blob. A sort of lop sided hourglass shaped blob. I think I may have messed up somewhere. Or perhaps it is just supposed to look like that. I'm not sure. But now my brain hurts.

The Google logo is a playable version of Pac-Man. I love video games, I think this may be the coolest Google logo ever!

I really feel like people are ignoring me. This happens every time I feel sick. Perhaps when I feel sick and sort of out of it that brings paranoia, not that my friends actually ignore me more. Either way I don't much like it.

The way this typing in a blog thing looks, it looks like you are writing a lot. But you really aren't writing very much at all. There is just a lot of space between everything, and then that straightens back out once you post it. Its very interesting.

So I'm really pretty sure that I will post regularly during the summer. Its only the first day and already I am out of things to do. I guess when your life is school, that's to be expected. I'm not sure how other people make it. Maybe they actually have a life and friends and hobbies.

I don't have room for Spanish class in my schedule next year. Hopefully my friends will want me to help them with theirs, so I will be able to keep it fresh in my mind.

I should write something philosophical now. Let us ponder, what is a question that the world has that needs an answer from the amazing me...
Black holes.
I have a theory on black holes, on what exactly they are. I think that they are entrances to either heaven or hell. It would make sense, nothing can escape black holes, their existence is questioned. They are interruptions in spacetime, just like either one of those would be, because time doesn't stop, you just aren't aware of it. I don't think it would make sense for them to be a different dimension, because you can't exist in different dimensions, once a day has passed, it doesn't exist on a different thread, it is over and done. There is only forward, not backwards. And to be able to travel into the future would mean to say that the future already exists and you are the past, which I don't believe is possible. And once you enter a black hole, the gravity is so great that any material thing is destroyed, so it must be something that only a non matter thing, like a spirit, can pass through. I think that my theory makes perfect sense. I'm not sure that science is going to much care for my theory though.

"Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind." Albert Einstein

PrincessC

Traditions

The older I get, the more I seem to like traditions. Like today, last day of school. I do the same thing on the last day of school every year. I get up, feeling fine, then somewhere between home and school, I catch some mysterious illness, then I spend the whole day at school miserable and then come home and go to bed. At least my body has enough sense to not get sick until summer, that way I don't have to miss any school.

Speaking of school, today it was very boring and pointless. I played cards, a lot. I really don't like playing cards. They asked me if I wanted to play speed, and I told them that I had no desire at all to get high. Apparently speed is a card game though, not a drug... One of my favorite teachers, the math one, not the science one, saw my distress however, and gave me nonograms (logic puzzle color by number things). And she didn't give me like five or six. No, she gave me like 50, all different. She is amazing. One finished picture was a pair of scissors. Another was the bio hazard sign.

Some people have the logic that you don't need to come the last day of school. To me, who knows logic very well, this is a very strange situation, for I, like always, carry this logic out too far and strange paradoxical things happen. I will explain the last day of school dilemma.
If you think that you don't need to go to school on the last day, that means that the day before the last day would be the last day for you. For example, if the last day of school is May 21, then then 20, would be your last day. But if you didn't think that you needed to come on the last day, then you wouldn't be able to come on the 20 either, because technically, it would be the last day for you. So then the last would be the 19, but then you couldn't go then either, because it would be the last day. This problem can be traced back so far, that the only way to not have a last day of school is to never have a first one. Make sense?

I think I might go try some more nonograms, since none of my friends are talking to me.
PrincessC

Great Things

They say that writing down stuff and telling people about your day is supposed to help with stress and stuff. Maybe that only works if you can remember what happened during a day though. Because I know that there was some pretty cool stuff that I was going to write here, and now I can't think of any of it.

I know one thing that I did today, that I am so super proud of. I finished a crossword puzzle. Now that may not sound very impressive, but it was a massive one, 200 words, all about random science things. Science club (which I am president of) had been working on this puzzle since January. Every time we would meet, we would add a few more words. Our sponsor (my favorite teacher ever, except for maybe the math teacher, I love her too) said that we should finish it before the end of the year. Tomorrow is the last day of school. I was determined to finish that thing. All this week, I have went before school, skipped (with permission of course) lots of classes (its not like we were doing anything anyways), and stayed a little after school to finish it. And I worked and looked in textbooks and searched the Internet to find the answers. And I did it. During last hour today, I wrote in the last word. I was very very very excited!

In Spanish class, my pinata won the contest. He is a Pooh pinata, and he is very cute. :)
And, good news, I now have a math class for next year. They have decided to have one. I was very glad about this as well.

I have hope for the next year, high school so far has been terrible. I haven't been able to take a lot of the classes I have wanted to, some other really bad things have happen (which we touched on in my first entry, I'm not sure how solidly though, just trust me, things have been bad). But maybe things are turning around. I have a best friend now, that I'm pretty sure isn't going to just suddenly hate me and leave me to cry for three months, that I could not love anymore than I already do (its a lot of love, he is very important to me). I have dealt with some things that I was just running from. I think that things are getting better. I have hope.
PrincessC

So, We Meet Again

Hey!
So its been months, literally, since I have written anything on here. You would think that would mean that I have a lot to say. But I really don't. I live a really average, normal, boring life. Perhaps not quite normal, since I have a strong love of logic puzzles (and also cheese, but that's really not relevant) and most people probably don't. But it is quite boring. Science is finally over, which is rather bittersweet, I am glad that its over and that I did well on my project, but now I have nothing to do. That was my life for months, I ate, breathed, and slept science. And now...there is nothing. Next year should be fun, I have quite the academically challenging schedule. That would strike fear into the hearts of most people, but not me, I face this with joy and hope in my heart. I don't have a math class though :( That makes me rather sad. Summer, there isn't much to do, so I will (hopefully) starting writing more often.

Right now, my music of choice is Evanescence. The songs are so powerful and emotionally driven and strong. Its amazing. Their CD Fallen, amazing CD.

I wrote something in English class (me being the overachiever I am, went way overboard) and I was quite proud with the way it turned out. My friends weren't really interested in it, but I can share it here.
His greeting was blatant, a nearly impossible perfect middle line between friendly enough and bored. For her, this put her great mood in jeopardy. Such a tone of voice should be frivolous but it was havoc on her touchy heart. She knew she was being ridiculous though, and gave him a chance to either change or validate her feelings. To her, love was as alimentary to her soul as green vegetables were to her body. Her high intelligence eclipsed her feelings though, and no one was able to see her emotions. Her smile was purely jocose, it did not truly show how she felt. As the days continued, she still kept her heart hidden and day after day, she was hurt. It wasn't as though he meant to, he didn't mean to at all, he simply didn't know. She was partially glad for the emotionless reading of text messages, so her true feelings weren't betrayed, but this was also the reason of her gradual destruction. She felt as though he ignored her feelings. She tried to tell him, many times she hinted, many more she told him directly, just in another language. He ignored this though. He would talk to her about other people, about his desire to be with someone. She considered telling him how she felt, so she could be with him and they could both be happy. But she simply couldn't. So he would continue to talk, and she would put on a calm face and listen, because when it came down to it, they were most importantly best friends. But as soon as he said good night, she lost composure and was miserable. It should be so easy, so simple for them to be together. And it would be so perfect, just like their friendship. But it is not easy or simple. So the cycle just continues.
Not the best story in the world, but I didn't think that it was terrible.

My mini me (my friend that is just like me, I mean we both have a love of Canada, we love math, everything I like she likes, everything I don't like she doesn't like, it is nearly creepy how much alike we are) drew an octopus for me today! He is a very cute octopus :) He even has a hat on.

I think that's about it. Perhaps tomorrow I will have some cool adventure to tell you about. I wouldn't count on it, but perhaps.
PrincessC