All I've Got

When I can't remember something, I panic. Its not that I don't remember things exactly, its that I can't bring them to my mind when I want to. I can't remember how people look once I'm no longer in the same room with them, like I don't store their picture in my mind. I can describe them sometimes, but I can't see them in my mind. And I always recognize them when I see them again. But it is very aggravating that I can't just picture them or hear their voice exactly when I want to. I can do complicated math and know how to do it perfectly all day long, but I can't remember something as a simple as that. Its not fair.

Apparently when I play my video games, I get really into them. They told me that I looked very much like a pro gamer, aka nerd, when I played. I think I do that with everything I do, I give 110%. I don't just feel something normally, I really feel it. Like when I feel happy, I feel very happy, like sunshine, smiley faces, flowers, the cute pictures little kids draw happy. When I am sad, I feel very sad, like dark stormy clouds, destruction, devastation, broken hope and dreams and life sad. When I do a project for school, I will devote all of my time to the perfection of it. When I sing, I get so into the song that I know that I look like an idiot, but it doesn't matter to me. I know that it has to look so crazy for me to be singing while randomly walking in town, but I simply can't help it, music is something that means a lot to me, and I get really into it.

It seems to me that sometimes no matter what you do, you can't win. You can spend time doing school work and trying to advance in life, and then late at night you cry because you can't spend time with your best friend. And no matter what you do, you can't fix that hurt. Like you can think about them and think about how it won't be very long before you see them and you can think of all the happy memories, every trick in the book, and nothing helps. And you dream about them, and the dreams aren't even very interesting, but you find yourself being very jealous of the dream you, because she gets to spend time with the dream best friend, but you in reality don't get the real best friend. And you feel like you shouldn't miss them that much, but you do.

But everything will work out in the end, at least it should.

PrincessC