Some Spanish, Some Religion, Some Life

Twitter has been both good and bad for me. It is a way for me to tell my best friend something without actually telling it to him. Like I say exactly what I need to, I just do it in Spanish. So if he had the desire to read it, he could. But if not, then my secrets are safe. Not that they are exactly secrets anymore, but I like to pretend that they are. It hurts less that way.

I love God, really and truly I do. I love my church family, I love reading my Bible (that thing has got some good wisdom in it). In fact I was really excited about two weeks ago about this verse I found.
Matthew 19:12 (the text of which you can find in another post of mine)
It proves that asexuals exist, they aren't just some new strange unacceptable thing, Jesus knew about them and knew that they were good and that they should not be ridiculed for their lifestyle. At least that is how I interpret this. To each their own I suppose, if you don't agree with me.

Well that was some Spanish, and some religion, I guess the next would be some life. I suppose life is a mixture of the previous two, plus a little bit more. I have decided that if I were an aromantic ace, my life would be unbelievably easier. But instead, my life has decided to treat me unusually cruelly, and made me want something I can't have. That is almost as bad as not knowing something or liars (you would have to had read some entries before this one to understand what I mean by that). Perhaps by being ace or maybe just by being me, or maybe a combination of both but the point of origin probably doesn't really matter, I like to play it safe with everything I do. I don't take chances. I don't do stupid things that could kill me. I don't ride roller coasters because they cause me to be at the mercy of the metal and the ride operator, which means that I am no longer in control, and I do not like that. When I die, I want it to be completely my own fault, no one else's. So of course, before I can like someone, I have to know them. Not just know their name, but like every intimate detail about their life, so I can decide if liking them is a risk worth taking. Because deciding if you like someone or not is a risk. It may not kill you, but for about a year or so you kind of wish that it would, it would probably cause less pain that way. There is a saying around my household: God never gives you more than you can handle. I have clung to that for about a year and a half now, that gives me hope and strength. But I think that God might have me wrong, He must expect me to be Superwoman or something, because He really enjoys pushing me to my limits. Some days, I'm really not sure what to do, I would really hate to think how many nights I have spent crying. I used to tell people when I cried all night long. But I don't anymore. They don't care anyways, they don't understand, they just think that I am being a child and need to grow up. Maybe they are right, I don't know. But I don't think that I will be able to change anytime soon.

PrincessC