Dis-appointments

Normally when I feel like this, I just find a way to sneak outside or something, and I sing because singing for me is like emotionally purging. But seeing as it is midnight, nearly one, and I can't stop shaking, I don't think that I can or should do that. So here I am; writing is the next best thing.

I'm not really sure why I am shaking so terribly, I don't know if it is from cold, not enough sleep, or just so many emotions pushed all together at once.

I hate when you look forward to something for a long time, and you get so excited for it, and then...it doesn't happen. This feeling is quite awful. Disappointment is a horrible, sad emotion. That could in fact be the cause of my shaking, which has (temporarily) stopped. It seems especially hard when you have dreams about it and they are amazing, and you talk to the person your plans are with about it, and they seem excited as well, but then it doesn't happen and the person doesn't seem sad about it, but you are really sad about it. And the shaking returns.

I love you. Why does such a small phrase have so many rules? Like it is ok to write it to your friends, but not to actually speak it to them. And parents are just kinda, you have to say it but you don't want to. But there are people that you would love to say it to, because they mean so much to you and you don't know what else you could say to show them that, but you can't because that would be weird. And you know, at least you are pretty sure, that you mean a lot to the other person, but all they say to you is "You look very pretty". It's a nice thing to hear, truly, but its just not really the same. I really would love to rewrite the rules so that you could say I love you to whoever you felt like, whenever you felt like.

I didn't think that my "main topic" of discussion would take very much space, nor would it get out all of the typing, emotional purging that I needed, so I cleverly made the title so as to go on to something else, yet make it seem related. Appointments. Doctor, dentist, hair; I hate all of them. Not because they are appointments, but because they are certain parts of me, like my hair for instance, that are not open to all people. I do believe that I have written about this before. But now I will work off of hair, since I have brought that into this. Hair to me, is like bonding time. For you to allow someone to play with your hair means that they get to be close to you, close enough to play with your hair, and that you let them touch a part of your body over and over again, I mean, if you think about it, they really are in your personal space, so you have to really know and like the person. Perhaps this is just me though.

I am getting very, very sleepy, so buenas noches. :)
PrincessC