My mother is one of the strongest people I know, if not the strongest.
While I was not sleeping last night, I thought of a pretty nifty way to explain something. Imagine relationships like college degrees. Some colleges have graduate schools and offer doctorate degrees. Other are two-year school, they offer smaller degrees. And then the typical four-year school. Now the relationships that romantic sexuals of any and all gender preferences actually label "relationships" are like doctorate degrees. And the relationships that aromantic, or nearly aromantic, asexuals call relationships, like the nice and warm and cuddly relationships that you have with a friend, are four-year degrees. An asexual person is a school that only offers the four-year degree, that is the highest they are able to give. So to them, that is the most important relationship you could ever have. And to those other 99 percent of the population, it's not. This most likely made a lot more sense in my head last night when I was half asleep. But perhaps it will make sense to readers such as yourself.
What I would really like to have is someone I could call mine. A best friend that calls me their best friend too, not just me calling them that. Someone that would love to spend so much time with me. Someone who would sit close to me and keep me warm because they care a lot about me. Someone that would hug me lots. Someone that would love me no matter what.
I don't think that you should mess with people's dreams. That is a pretty deep area, and can leave some marks if you aren't careful. Perhaps I have a really bad view on the world, but I think that if you dream something and it wouldn't hurt anyone for someone to just go along with it, then why shouldn't you? Like if someone wanted what I said that I wanted in the last paragraph, and that someone had dreams about another person, like a friend, being that person to them, and it wasn't hurting or really affecting anyone, why wouldn't you just let it go? Perhaps you could even hug them lots, not in public as it may get unwanted and unjustified attention, but perhaps in private, and it wouldn't ever hurt anyone. You could tolerate hugging, and perhaps even enjoy it, for the sake of your friend, so no one would be hurt. Seeing as amigoship is the highest degree I have to give, referring back to my explanation, I do not see where it would be a problem.
I need to find some lotion and chapstick now.
PrincessC
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
The Power of One
I now know what I want to talk about. Traditions, superstitions, everything to do with New Years.
Tradition, by my definition, something that you, as in a single person or an entire group, have been doing for years. By years, I do not mean one year, I mean like centuries (note the plural -s ending, multiple years). Like you have been doing it for so long that you aren't able to imagine anything else. Think of breathing as a tradition. You getting up every morning, you eating every day at noon: tradition.
My tradition, due to superstition and family history: eat black-eyed peas on New Years Day. Luckily for me, I love them. My brother hates them, he never eats them. My family has had bad luck ever since we stopped forcing him to eat them. Coincidence....
I also watch the ball drop. Then wait up for an extra hour for midnight.
Something I believe very much in: how you spend New Years Eve is the way you will spend the rest of the year. I stay at home a lot, with my family. How do I spend New Years Eve? At home, with my family. Apparently I haven't gained any friends to party with throughout the year. But this means that it's a very true saying. My amigo spend New Years Eve with his amigo. How does he spend the year you may ask? With said amigo. As my favorite movie, Kung Fu Panda, would quote, "There are no accidents."
I would like to take this time to say, again, something I feel strongly about. You are in a relationship with every person you know. You are in a relationship with your mother, that's called a family relationship. Your worst enemy, a really bad relationship. Your best friend, a friendship, or a friend relationship, or the word I use that still has strangely not caught on yet, an amigoship. Romantic relationships aren't the only ones. I could say I'm in a relationship with my mother, but that would get some odd looks on Facebook probably. But it is very true. I have a pretty nice relationship with my mother as well.
PrincessC
Tradition, by my definition, something that you, as in a single person or an entire group, have been doing for years. By years, I do not mean one year, I mean like centuries (note the plural -s ending, multiple years). Like you have been doing it for so long that you aren't able to imagine anything else. Think of breathing as a tradition. You getting up every morning, you eating every day at noon: tradition.
My tradition, due to superstition and family history: eat black-eyed peas on New Years Day. Luckily for me, I love them. My brother hates them, he never eats them. My family has had bad luck ever since we stopped forcing him to eat them. Coincidence....
I also watch the ball drop. Then wait up for an extra hour for midnight.
Something I believe very much in: how you spend New Years Eve is the way you will spend the rest of the year. I stay at home a lot, with my family. How do I spend New Years Eve? At home, with my family. Apparently I haven't gained any friends to party with throughout the year. But this means that it's a very true saying. My amigo spend New Years Eve with his amigo. How does he spend the year you may ask? With said amigo. As my favorite movie, Kung Fu Panda, would quote, "There are no accidents."
I would like to take this time to say, again, something I feel strongly about. You are in a relationship with every person you know. You are in a relationship with your mother, that's called a family relationship. Your worst enemy, a really bad relationship. Your best friend, a friendship, or a friend relationship, or the word I use that still has strangely not caught on yet, an amigoship. Romantic relationships aren't the only ones. I could say I'm in a relationship with my mother, but that would get some odd looks on Facebook probably. But it is very true. I have a pretty nice relationship with my mother as well.
PrincessC
1/1/11
First off, I saw this really nerdy joke at a knowledge bowl tournament I was at, and thought I would share.
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.
:)
Today is January 1. I should probably have a resolution. I don't. I would make a resolution to spend more time with my amigo, but I can't really control that, and I'm sure making resolutions for other people to follow is breaking some law, so I won't. My other idea: learn how to drive. I'll get back with you on how I decide on that one.
Last night, I won Monopoly by owning all but 10 properties. Tonight, I lost just as epically. That's just the way the dice rolls I guess.
I am currently waiting for my amigo to get off work so that we may do something together, yet from far away. It sounds complicated, but it's really not.
I had something really great to talk about....I should have written it down, because I don't know what it was.
You know those people that you get behind in the grocery store, that buy the most random things and you look at them like "What?". That's my family.
2010 had some pretty good music, like I like that the Atari was mentioned in the song "Forget You" (which probably has a more recognizable other name, but that will not be mentioned here) because I love video games. It also had some not so great music, such as Nicki Minaj.
I think that's all the random stuff I can think of.
PrincessC
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.
:)
Today is January 1. I should probably have a resolution. I don't. I would make a resolution to spend more time with my amigo, but I can't really control that, and I'm sure making resolutions for other people to follow is breaking some law, so I won't. My other idea: learn how to drive. I'll get back with you on how I decide on that one.
Last night, I won Monopoly by owning all but 10 properties. Tonight, I lost just as epically. That's just the way the dice rolls I guess.
I am currently waiting for my amigo to get off work so that we may do something together, yet from far away. It sounds complicated, but it's really not.
I had something really great to talk about....I should have written it down, because I don't know what it was.
You know those people that you get behind in the grocery store, that buy the most random things and you look at them like "What?". That's my family.
2010 had some pretty good music, like I like that the Atari was mentioned in the song "Forget You" (which probably has a more recognizable other name, but that will not be mentioned here) because I love video games. It also had some not so great music, such as Nicki Minaj.
I think that's all the random stuff I can think of.
PrincessC
Friday, December 31, 2010
Anniversary
I have had this lovely blog for exactly one year now (well, at exactly 11:34 tonight I suppose, but who is counting that close). My resolution for this year, about writing every day....I did well for a while, until school and summer school and life got in the way. Actually, as I write to you on this New Years Eve with nearly spring-like weather, I am trying to complete my homework. Death of a Salesman analysis. I don't suppose that it is a bad play, but I don't think that I would read it for fun.
Speaking of anniversaries, today is my grandparents' 45th wedding anniversary. I think that's pretty cool, that people can stay together for so long. [ random interjection: I love when it's 3:14, the time of pi :) ] I would certainly like a friendship to last this long, think how much you would know about each other and how much you would care about each other after this long. That would be so very nice :)
Strange question that I have always wanted to ask in a survey: when you get dressed, do you put your pants or shirt on first? But I worry that people would consider this too much an invasion of privacy, therefore I hesitate to ask.
One thing that I am very excited about in this new year: Britney's new cd!!!! I will have to add to my poem of every Britney song once I know the names of the tracks. One thing that I am not so excited about: the graduation of a lot of my friends. But I know that they have earned it, and hope they wont forget me, and trust that everything will work out how it should. And with this optimistic view of the future, I close this post, as this seems like a good place to end and for some reason I am very dizzy and need to lay down.
PrincessC
Speaking of anniversaries, today is my grandparents' 45th wedding anniversary. I think that's pretty cool, that people can stay together for so long. [ random interjection: I love when it's 3:14, the time of pi :) ] I would certainly like a friendship to last this long, think how much you would know about each other and how much you would care about each other after this long. That would be so very nice :)
Strange question that I have always wanted to ask in a survey: when you get dressed, do you put your pants or shirt on first? But I worry that people would consider this too much an invasion of privacy, therefore I hesitate to ask.
One thing that I am very excited about in this new year: Britney's new cd!!!! I will have to add to my poem of every Britney song once I know the names of the tracks. One thing that I am not so excited about: the graduation of a lot of my friends. But I know that they have earned it, and hope they wont forget me, and trust that everything will work out how it should. And with this optimistic view of the future, I close this post, as this seems like a good place to end and for some reason I am very dizzy and need to lay down.
PrincessC
Saturday, September 25, 2010
XOXO, More O, Less X
As I promised on Twitter, I will now write in honor of Asexual Awareness Week. I'm not entirely sure, it may have officially ended yesterday, it depends on if it is a 7 day week or a 5 day week. In any case, I shall now write about it.
I have really thought long and hard about what I want to tell you lovely blog readers, what the world needs to hear. This is the best I could come up with. I have noticed that people always say "us" and "we", whether it be "us straight people" or "we as the asexual community" or any other collective group of whatever is your personal pleasure. I am not sure that I completely agree with this. Yes, there are groups of people, but to say that everyone in that group does one thing or feels one way isn't the case. Every individual is different. Some asexuals enjoy being in a relationship, some just enjoy friendships. Some people think that hugs are nice, other people don't. Some people have different boundaries on what type of relationship does what, such as, is it alright for friends to hold hands. There is one base common belief that binds all of a group of people, but the finer details, not everyone is going to agree on. Personally, I think that I'm not really into the whole relationship thing. I used to desire it some, though thinking back, when I always thought of growing up and what my future would be like, there never was a guy or girl involved, I didn't place much importance on getting married. Now, it just doesn't really have any appeal to me. Maybe something in my future will change that, I'm not against it exactly, I just don't see it as very important, as long as I have my friends and family, more friends than anything I suppose, I seem to be slowly losing parts of my family, then life will be amazing. On the topic of friends, I think that hugs are very important, and I see nothing wrong with holding hands, I don't view it any differently than if I were to hold hands with my brother or parents. In the eyes of the world we live in, it is mostly likely and unfortunately not seen like that, and therefore I don't hold hands with my friends as it is easier to not cause confusion, and I do not know how my friends feel about the issue.
The title of this post I quite like. It used to bother me, not knowing what was hugs and what was kisses. Now, after searching the Internet to determine that most people say that x is kisses and o is hugs, I have found a way to remember which one is what. Kisses are, for me, not really wanted, like kiss on the cheek is fine, but other than that is gross, yet strangely fascinating, but anyways, therefore they are x, unwanted. Hugs are nice and warm and round and I very much enjoy them and o is just a nice round and warm and friendly letter. This may be how all asexuals feel, but as I said early, everyone is a little different, therefore everyone should make decisions for themselves, not feel as if they have to do certain things to fit in a group.
I think that this is a pretty nice post to honor such a special week. I tried to wear black, as seem to be an asexual color, especially when viewing the graduated triangle that is our "symbol", and succeeding in wearing mostly black, but no one commented or seemed to notice. I suppose that could be either bad or good, or neither.
PrincessC
I have really thought long and hard about what I want to tell you lovely blog readers, what the world needs to hear. This is the best I could come up with. I have noticed that people always say "us" and "we", whether it be "us straight people" or "we as the asexual community" or any other collective group of whatever is your personal pleasure. I am not sure that I completely agree with this. Yes, there are groups of people, but to say that everyone in that group does one thing or feels one way isn't the case. Every individual is different. Some asexuals enjoy being in a relationship, some just enjoy friendships. Some people think that hugs are nice, other people don't. Some people have different boundaries on what type of relationship does what, such as, is it alright for friends to hold hands. There is one base common belief that binds all of a group of people, but the finer details, not everyone is going to agree on. Personally, I think that I'm not really into the whole relationship thing. I used to desire it some, though thinking back, when I always thought of growing up and what my future would be like, there never was a guy or girl involved, I didn't place much importance on getting married. Now, it just doesn't really have any appeal to me. Maybe something in my future will change that, I'm not against it exactly, I just don't see it as very important, as long as I have my friends and family, more friends than anything I suppose, I seem to be slowly losing parts of my family, then life will be amazing. On the topic of friends, I think that hugs are very important, and I see nothing wrong with holding hands, I don't view it any differently than if I were to hold hands with my brother or parents. In the eyes of the world we live in, it is mostly likely and unfortunately not seen like that, and therefore I don't hold hands with my friends as it is easier to not cause confusion, and I do not know how my friends feel about the issue.
The title of this post I quite like. It used to bother me, not knowing what was hugs and what was kisses. Now, after searching the Internet to determine that most people say that x is kisses and o is hugs, I have found a way to remember which one is what. Kisses are, for me, not really wanted, like kiss on the cheek is fine, but other than that is gross, yet strangely fascinating, but anyways, therefore they are x, unwanted. Hugs are nice and warm and round and I very much enjoy them and o is just a nice round and warm and friendly letter. This may be how all asexuals feel, but as I said early, everyone is a little different, therefore everyone should make decisions for themselves, not feel as if they have to do certain things to fit in a group.
I think that this is a pretty nice post to honor such a special week. I tried to wear black, as seem to be an asexual color, especially when viewing the graduated triangle that is our "symbol", and succeeding in wearing mostly black, but no one commented or seemed to notice. I suppose that could be either bad or good, or neither.
PrincessC
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Shadows
Its a fairly normal title, shadows, but this is going to be a very deep (hopefully) post. Shadows are part of you, they are you in essence, but they are also separate from you, something wanting to imitate you, following your every move, but cant quite be you. You can never be rid of your shadow, it will go with you wherever and always be part of you. Your mind is the same way, all the memories, the mistakes, the downfalls, the ups, the praise, all will be with you for the rest of your life, and no matter what you do, you can not be rid of them. You can attempt to cover them up but even that will not destroy them, and you will still have to deal with them. But your past, as well as your shadow, can be put behind you, as long as you look forward into the light.
Metaphorically, the shadow seems to be very multi-talented. Shadows represent death, and darkness. They are the opposite of light and life, they are something you don't want to face. They are also your deepest hidden secret, the part of you that you don't want to exist but is there for the entire world to see, and no matter how you try to run from it, it follows you. But in art, it draws the line between the good artist and the great artist. It is what makes things go from dead and fake and flat to alive and real. The shadow to me means lots of different things. The shadow is your clone, the thing that you have from birth until you die, that is you, that is of you, that is unfortunately yet thankful ever silent. Anything you have seen, your shadow has as well. Anything you've done, your shadow did it too. Anything you think, your shadow was there preying on your mind, taking what is yours and making it theirs as well. Even now as I type, my shadow types with me, imitating my keystrokes exactly, yet making no impact. It is rather sad I believe, that this thing is forced to be with you yet can not truly do anything at all. It can not complain, it can not move, it can not be free of you.
I keep referring to the shadow and the conscience, your mind. I think that this is the thing that sticks out to me the most. When you see something you don't want to, hear something you don't want to, face something you don't want to, that thing becomes a part of you, whether you want it to or not, and it is there with you for the rest of forever. No matter what, its in your mind, and it can make you laugh or haunt you any time it wishes. You have no shield from it, it just happens at random, with only the tiniest spark of outside influence telling it to appear. Its just like a shadow, the smallest speck of light, and its there. Every time.
Metaphorically, the shadow seems to be very multi-talented. Shadows represent death, and darkness. They are the opposite of light and life, they are something you don't want to face. They are also your deepest hidden secret, the part of you that you don't want to exist but is there for the entire world to see, and no matter how you try to run from it, it follows you. But in art, it draws the line between the good artist and the great artist. It is what makes things go from dead and fake and flat to alive and real. The shadow to me means lots of different things. The shadow is your clone, the thing that you have from birth until you die, that is you, that is of you, that is unfortunately yet thankful ever silent. Anything you have seen, your shadow has as well. Anything you've done, your shadow did it too. Anything you think, your shadow was there preying on your mind, taking what is yours and making it theirs as well. Even now as I type, my shadow types with me, imitating my keystrokes exactly, yet making no impact. It is rather sad I believe, that this thing is forced to be with you yet can not truly do anything at all. It can not complain, it can not move, it can not be free of you.
I keep referring to the shadow and the conscience, your mind. I think that this is the thing that sticks out to me the most. When you see something you don't want to, hear something you don't want to, face something you don't want to, that thing becomes a part of you, whether you want it to or not, and it is there with you for the rest of forever. No matter what, its in your mind, and it can make you laugh or haunt you any time it wishes. You have no shield from it, it just happens at random, with only the tiniest spark of outside influence telling it to appear. Its just like a shadow, the smallest speck of light, and its there. Every time.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
What You Say, What You Mean, What I Think
Haven't been on here in a long time, what's been happening blog readers?
I've been up to a lot it seems. I went to an Adam Lambert concert and it was absolutely amazing!! It was made even better by the fact that I went with a great friend. :) I got some blue hair, not like "My hair is completely turned neon blue all over" but some pretty bright blue stripes. I guess they call them streaks when dealing with hair. Actually, that's all I've been up to lately of much significance, but you have to admit, its a pretty amazing thing to do.
I made a fantastic realization the other day. I have a great uncle that has been single and happy for over 75 years. That's amazing! Its like an inspiration to aces everywhere! You don't have to be what society wants, you really and truly can be single and happy for your entire life. Most aces, people in general, don't want to be lonely, and he isn't, he has friends and family always there for him, and that's all he needs. I think that this is truly awesome.
Sometimes, what you say is not what you mean. It seems that it is especially this way when you are typing. If you are talking person to person, you can see the reaction the person has, and accordingly fix what you said to explain what you meant. When you type, you can't. When you type, it is there and you can't take it back or explain what you mean if the person doesn't ask you to and they can read it over and over again and be hurt over and over again. And other times, you really want to say something, but you know that you shouldn't, so you don't, you type something that you don't really mean because you can't say how you truly feel.
As always, I will now combine the previous paragraphs into the last, and normally main, one. This isn't really a paragraph though, it is a chart. To an ace, or to me at least, this is what you say, and what I think. Not normally how I reply, but what I truly have inside my head.
Here is how to read it. You speak. I think.
I miss you sometimes. I miss you all the time. Sometimes I want to be alone. I can understand that, sometimes I like to be alone to concentrate on my video games. I would like to be in a relationship because I am lonely, and if I found someone, I wouldn't be lonely. You are in a relationship, it is called a friendship. Friendships can help you not be lonely, because friends love you. But if you are in a relationship, its different because you know that the person truly wants to be with you and you want to be with that person. I would kind of hope that you would truly like to spend time with your friends. I truly like to spend time with you. Yes, friendships are like that, but you don't get to hold hands or be all sweet with that person. You could hold my hand if you wanted to, it might be nice and warm, and friends are sweet and nice. I want to be in love with someone, and I want someone to be in love with me. Well I love you a lot, and you say that you love me a lot. What is the difference? I don't understand. You will understand someday.That's what has been bothering me for so long, like when I have a really down day I sleep, that's what's wrong with me, I get so depressed and I don't know why, but it hits me really hard some days. Perhaps I don't want to understand. I don't want to be sad like that, and I don't want for you to be sad either. I thought that our friendship kept you happy... I will always love you, and you will always be my best friend! Why can't I love two people? I want to have a best friend that I can tell everything to and who will always be there for me and I will do the same. And then have someone that loves me romantically and I love them romantically. Everyone has their best friend and the one they romantically love. I will always love you too. You can love two people; I love you, my family, and my other friends. That is more than two people. I'm glad that you can tell me anything and you are right, I will always be there for you. Not everyone has romantic love, granted they, we, only make up a very tiny percent of the population, but it is wrong to say that absolutely everyone does.
That probably makes me seem really emotionally jumpy, going from sweet to serious, but that is the working of my inner mind. Its kind of like a four year old. New meaning to the term "your inner child."
PrincessC
I've been up to a lot it seems. I went to an Adam Lambert concert and it was absolutely amazing!! It was made even better by the fact that I went with a great friend. :) I got some blue hair, not like "My hair is completely turned neon blue all over" but some pretty bright blue stripes. I guess they call them streaks when dealing with hair. Actually, that's all I've been up to lately of much significance, but you have to admit, its a pretty amazing thing to do.
I made a fantastic realization the other day. I have a great uncle that has been single and happy for over 75 years. That's amazing! Its like an inspiration to aces everywhere! You don't have to be what society wants, you really and truly can be single and happy for your entire life. Most aces, people in general, don't want to be lonely, and he isn't, he has friends and family always there for him, and that's all he needs. I think that this is truly awesome.
Sometimes, what you say is not what you mean. It seems that it is especially this way when you are typing. If you are talking person to person, you can see the reaction the person has, and accordingly fix what you said to explain what you meant. When you type, you can't. When you type, it is there and you can't take it back or explain what you mean if the person doesn't ask you to and they can read it over and over again and be hurt over and over again. And other times, you really want to say something, but you know that you shouldn't, so you don't, you type something that you don't really mean because you can't say how you truly feel.
As always, I will now combine the previous paragraphs into the last, and normally main, one. This isn't really a paragraph though, it is a chart. To an ace, or to me at least, this is what you say, and what I think. Not normally how I reply, but what I truly have inside my head.
Here is how to read it. You speak. I think.
I miss you sometimes. I miss you all the time. Sometimes I want to be alone. I can understand that, sometimes I like to be alone to concentrate on my video games. I would like to be in a relationship because I am lonely, and if I found someone, I wouldn't be lonely. You are in a relationship, it is called a friendship. Friendships can help you not be lonely, because friends love you. But if you are in a relationship, its different because you know that the person truly wants to be with you and you want to be with that person. I would kind of hope that you would truly like to spend time with your friends. I truly like to spend time with you. Yes, friendships are like that, but you don't get to hold hands or be all sweet with that person. You could hold my hand if you wanted to, it might be nice and warm, and friends are sweet and nice. I want to be in love with someone, and I want someone to be in love with me. Well I love you a lot, and you say that you love me a lot. What is the difference? I don't understand. You will understand someday.That's what has been bothering me for so long, like when I have a really down day I sleep, that's what's wrong with me, I get so depressed and I don't know why, but it hits me really hard some days. Perhaps I don't want to understand. I don't want to be sad like that, and I don't want for you to be sad either. I thought that our friendship kept you happy... I will always love you, and you will always be my best friend! Why can't I love two people? I want to have a best friend that I can tell everything to and who will always be there for me and I will do the same. And then have someone that loves me romantically and I love them romantically. Everyone has their best friend and the one they romantically love. I will always love you too. You can love two people; I love you, my family, and my other friends. That is more than two people. I'm glad that you can tell me anything and you are right, I will always be there for you. Not everyone has romantic love, granted they, we, only make up a very tiny percent of the population, but it is wrong to say that absolutely everyone does.
That probably makes me seem really emotionally jumpy, going from sweet to serious, but that is the working of my inner mind. Its kind of like a four year old. New meaning to the term "your inner child."
PrincessC
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